Ugh, there are so many things that I hate about this single life; Yet there is so much that I enjoy.
I hate that I feel like I need a man here at night just to make me feel safe.
I hate that I feel like I need him here to get some real sleep.
I hate that I don’t have an adult to talk to, play with and cuddle with at the end of the day.
I hate feeling like I have to be the protector of our home.
I hate not having daily help with four children and all of their needs.
I hate that my oldest daughter cries at night because she just wants daddy to stay over.
Yet, I love having the extra time to write and study and grow.
I love being able to go anywhere with anyone without discussing it with another person.
I love not having to compromise on decisions around my home.
I love being able to do what I want with my money instead of scrimping so my other half can blow it at the bar.
I love being able to buy home decor and other random things that I enjoy without another person criticizing me for it.
I love not having someone disappointed or annoyed with me because the house wasn’t clean enough or dinner wasn’t made in time.
I love being able to focus on myself for once.
I love knowing that God is using this time to mold me and grow me into the person he needs for the purpose he has for my life and the GODLY relationship he is constructing for my future.
I love that God is using this time to make the kid’s dad a better father.
I may feel scared and lonely at times, but I’m learning how to trust God as my protector and sufficiency. I may not have a man to hold at night but I have these 4 beautiful kids who need me now more than ever. I may get overwhelmed thinking about having to protect these 4 kids on my own, but then I remember that I can fully trust God with that task.
I may not like having to take on the daily needs of four kids all by myself but I’m honestly blessed that they have a dad who is now around whenever we need him. It breaks my heart to see my daughter cry for her dad at night but I know deep down that this is what’s best for them. They will learn that a man can’t mistreat them, they’re worth more than that and I will show them by leading with my life.