Thanksgiving 2011 was the last time I checked myself into the psychiatric ward. Seven years. I’ve come a long way since then. Everything started to turn that December. But today a friend shared about a scene from a show where a girl entered the hospital due to a suicide attempt and how in the show …
As a Christian the fact that I struggled with the desire to die seemed a double blow. Here I was supposed to be the happiest of all people, and really I just wanted God to take me in my sleep and let me be done with this life and on to eternity.
“The biggest thing I fell into was planning every detail of how I could kill myself without hurting the baby I was carrying in my womb. I was a high suicide risk and I didn’t tell anyone except the one person who I wanted to care… and he didn’t…”
I lived off of the highs of our relationship and the highs of weed. But when I hit the lows, they were SO LOW. Nothing kept me happy, nothing rid me of the deep pain inside. I attempted suicide 3 times by overdosing on different medications. Thanks to God, it wasn’t my time to go.
“I had become a regular at the local psychiatric wards where I had learned to check myself in to avoid harming myself. My health and body and mind seemed broken and in ruin in so many ways…”