It’s so easy for doubt to enter our minds when things don’t go as planned.
My business has hit a sudden lull. I’ve been optimistic and full of faith thus far declaring, “God is going to provide for me! God will open a door for me! He’s got me!” But, things haven’t gone as planned…
Each potential deal falls through the cracks for one reason or another and each new project, I endeavor to do, ends for reasons that are out of my control, and I begin to shrink back.
Thoughts start flowing through my mind as I try to calculate and figure out how God might provide for me. Due dates for bills begin to slip by and I feel a panic wanting to rise from deep within me.
Then I remember; “don’t trust your feelings.” So, I look at a Bible verse and say a short prayer, or two, or a hundred each time this panic tries to rise. I declare, “God, I know you’re taking care of me, I know you’ve gone ahead of me, I know your purpose is for good and not for evil!”
But the rent can only be so late, and I wonder, “How long is God going to wait until he provides my provision? Is he testing me? Will it come through at the last possible minute?”
Things are not going as planned and I don’t understand. Why is every door I try to walk through closing? Why is every source of help drying up?
I turn inward and think, “Did I do something wrong? Did I not work hard enough, smart enough? Did that one sin I tripped into mess up my blessings? Am I being punished?? Was I not sincere enough when I asked for forgiveness?”
I just don’t understand…
This feels very familiar. Memories of a very similar situation begin to fill my head. I was stuck; a stay at home mom of four with no money or car of my own whom God told, it was time to leave my home and destructive relationship.
I happily applied at different jobs, interviewed and just knew that God was going to provide for me because he told me it was time to leave. Month after month passed by, then I found THE job.
It was in my comfort zone of the medical field AND I’d be able to bring my technical skills too! The hiring Nurse loved me and was ready to bring me on right away, I even spent a day shadowing another employee to be sure this was the position I wanted.
She told me she would contact me as soon as she had the date for my training to begin. I was so happy, this was it! God made a way!
A few days later I received a call from the nurse informing me that one of their doctors had put in their two weeks’ notice and without that doctor, they had no need for another Nurse Tech. I was crushed.
I was so tired and broken. I cried and yelled at God, “I can’t leave if you don’t provide for me! How am I supposed to leave without a job!?”
A couple of weeks later I was contacted by my dream client who I asked about work a year prior to this. They wanted to bring me on to do some contract work with them. I would work from home, be able to start my Virtual Assisting business and the kids didn’t have to go into daycare!
Though I thought the Nursing job was good, God knew he had better. I couldn’t see what the future looked like, but He knew. He provided the best job, then a reliable car, then a house nicer than I could have imagined myself having as a single mom.
As I sit here and remember how good He was to me when I didn’t see the whole picture, I come to a peace that this world will never understand. God’s got me.
I don’t know what the future is, but I know he hasn’t let me down yet. I don’t know what will happen next, but I know he will use it for my good. I believe Lord; Help my unbelief!
God is working and I’ll continue seeking His will and waiting on Him to walk me through this, even when it doesn’t go as planned.