If I’m worth so much, why do I feel so worthless? I was in this place just a year ago. I knew what God had said about me and my worth, but I just couldn’t feel it…

My husband had betrayed me for another woman. Though he still kept me on a string, he began to treat me like the side piece and gave the other woman all of his effort. If I was worth so much then why didn’t my own husband want me?? When you put everything you have into your marriage and your husband and it still isn’t good enough, something breaks inside of you.

I couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought of being worth more than rubies when my husband couldn’t even see it. Was I mistaken? Did I need to perform more perfectly as a wife? Did I need to change my shy, reserved nature to be more like his extrovert mistress? No… none of that was the answer.

During the affair I became pregnant with our fourth child… No, not even this made me worthy to my husband. “Come on!” I pleaded with God, late at night when I couldn’t sleep, knowing that he was sleeping soundly in her bed. “I’m carrying his 4th baby and I’m still not worth it!?” How could this be??

I see it so simply now… I wasn’t putting my worth in God.

I was putting my worth in my husband and my marriage.

If losing a spouse, a job, or anything else on this earth makes your whole world fall apart to the point of not wanting to live any longer, then your hope and your worth were never in God. Don’t get me wrong, some of these things are heart breaking and soul crushing. Do take the time to grieve and cry and be angry but don’t let it steal your purpose. You still have a reason to live.

Some people don’t see gold when it’s right in front of their faces. Some will choose the gold plated over the 24 karat, the astroturf over the lush grass that needs watering, the quick hamburger over the steak dinner.

My point is this, don’t base your worth on the very people who don’t even see the worth of God! This is how I know it’s true! I know God is good, I know he’s worthy, I know he’s perfect love. But how many treat him like trash? How many choose the relationship, the money, the drugs, the alcohol over him? They choose pig slop over a meal fit for a king.

As Keion Henderson said below, “everyday people REJECT things they cannot afford.

The things my husband was doing had nothing to do with me. It was a hole within himself,  his own unhappiness and he was looking everywhere except in God for fulfillment. I was a good wife who sincerely worked for the good of my husband and our marriage, but I make a terrible God. I could have never fulfilled that hole he had and neither could any other woman.
If you’re feeling worthless, just know that you are worth the life of Jesus Christ. He was thinking of you and wanting a relationship with you when he gave up his life to save us from our sins. Meditate on the truth of scripture until you yourself believes what it says. Read what you’re really worth, what the King of kings thinks of you. Below are a couple of verses I use but the Bible is full of even more!

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Proverbs 31:30

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” 

Proverbs 31:10

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